Four things to keep in mind when writing leads

These are my opinions; not necessarily anyone else’s.

1. Don’t obsess on the lead. Some people spend all kinds of time working on the lead to their book when they are starting the first draft. Usually, that’s a waste of time, because by the time you finish the book, you will likely have a totally different lead in mind. So put something down and keep writing. Go back to the lead when you have the first draft done.

2. See that the rest of the book delivers what you promise. The lead has to be connected to the rest of the story. In other words, you can’t just give a rip-roaring lead and grab the reader and then have the book turn into something entirely different. If the book is a romance, it has to have a lead that promises a hint of romance. If it’s a mystery, there should be a glimpse of trouble to come. And so forth.

3. Sustain the mood and the feel of the lead for at least the first couple of pages. Too often, the inexperienced author has a great first couple of lines, but then switches into an explanatory or descriptive voice, as if all you need to do is hook the reader and then you can hit him over the head with all the background details you think he needs to know in order to understand the characters and the story. Instead, keep the reader guessing a little bit longer, and bring in those details slowly and carefully. In other words, you may have the reader hooked with your first couple of lines, but you have to reel her in slowly and carefully.

4. If you decide to have a prologue at the beginning, make it a real prologue. In other words, I really am not a fan of prologues that are really part of a scene later on in the book, and are put at the beginning only because they bring some immediate action. I feel it’s a sneaky way to try to grab the reader, and you’re better to have less “action” and more of a genuine lead.

The two exceptions are:

A. When there is actually something that happened some time before the story begins that has a direct impact on the story, and is important for the reader to know before the story (and can’t be readily worked in later).

B. When the story is being told by someone in it at a later date - as for example, the adult Scout narrates the story in To Kill a Mockingbird - and the reader needs to know this.

And that’s it for today.

Examples of crafting leads

I can read other people’s leads and select those I think are great and those that don’t work for me, but the rubber really hits the road when I have to create a lead myself. In addition, the only leads I know well enough to explain are my own. So I’ll try to explain a couple and hope we all don’t end up giving me 1’s out of 5.

Okay, Example 1:

My target audience for my book, Glitter of Diamonds, is people who like whodunit-style mysteries. A subset would be people who like baseball, but you don’t have to like baseball to like the book. You do have to like mysteries and not absolutely hate baseball.

This is what I wrote.

“Shouting in Spanish, pitcher Rico Velasquez stormed from the bullpen into the clubhouse lounge, where three players sat playing cards and watching the July holiday afternoon baseball game on a television monitor. Spotting an open box of new baseballs waiting to be autographed, Rico picked up one of them and threw a 90-mile-an-hour fastball into the middle of the television set.”

The questions I hope you are asking include: Who is Rico? Why is he so angry? Why are the other players afraid of him? What is going to happen next, both to Rico and to the other players? How will the team do this year?

I wanted my lead to introduce a major character. I wanted to show that baseball is a big part of the story (putting in enough baseball information so that a real fan will know I really do know baseball, without using language that a non-baseball fan would find off-putting - eg. anyone can figure out a fastball, but if I said “curveball” or “splitter,” I’d be in danger of losing potential readers by putting in too much lingo). I wanted to contrast the trouble gathering around Rico with the calm of the other players and the July holiday. And I wanted to foreshadow the trouble to come (e.g. using the word “stormed” into the clubhouse to foreshadow the “thunder and lightning” to come; having him throw the ball through the TV) .

Example 2:

My target audience for my book, Shaded Light , is also people who like whodunit-style mysteries. But this time there is no specific sub-theme going. A number of my characters are corporate lawyers, but that is only in the background.

I wanted my lead to introduce a couple of major characters, show a bit of the setting, and show that all is no well. I tried a number of different leads with different characters. This is what I ended up using:

“You self-righteous liar! But then you never think of anyone but yourself!” As Peter Martin stepped into the front hallway of his penthouse in an exclusive residential area of downtown Toronto, he was surprised to hear his wife’s angry voice. The voice he’d been hearing a lot lately. The one he hadn’t realized she possessed until several months ago. But this time she wasn’t speaking to him.

I hope you are asking, Who is Peter Martin and why does he live in a penthouse? Who is his wife? Who is his wife talking to? Why didn’t he know she could get angry? How long did Peter know her before they were married? Why has she been angry with Peter lately? What’s going to happen next? How long will this marriage last?

There’s also a degree of irony in the first line that the sophisticated reader might suspect - if anyone is self-centered, it is Peter’s wife.

Anyway, those are some of my leads and I think/hope they encapsulate the mood of the books and are true to the stories I tell.

What you should do is go back to a few of your leads and analyze them the same way: Who is your target audience? Is this lead perfect for them? What mood do you want to convey? Does your lead convey it? What questions do you want the reader to be asking? Does this make them ask those questions?

If you want to read the first chapters of these books, and see how I continued from these openings, you can find them both at www.murderwillout.com

Good leads

My last post was about leads I’d give a 1 or 2 to, where 5 is high.

So now for the good ones.

3 - This is a decent lead. It gets me kind of interested and I’ll likely read a bit further. It might really attract some people, but it’s not really slamming - in other words, it doesn’t COMPEL me to keep reading. Or it may be a strong lead, but it doesn’t really fit with the story. In other words, the lead either promises something the story doesn’t deliver, or the lead makes the reader think the story will be different from what it actually is.

4 - This lead grabs me, but there may be one or two things that irritate me or make me question whether or not to keep reading. It may not be quite the best lead for the type of story it is. Or may be a great lead but not so much for this story.

5 - This lead gets me right into the story, grabs me and makes me keep reading. And it’s perfect for this story.

Tomorrow: A few of my experiences crafting leads.

What makes a poor lead

Everyone is different, and what you like to read might not be what I like. However, I expect most of us can agree on what not to do in the opening of your novel or short story.

Leads that don’t even begin to grab me, and which I would give a 1 on a scale of 1 to 5 (with 5 as the highest), are those which are:

A. Too confusing - I have no idea who these people are or what’s happening, and there isn’t anything that makes me want to keep reading to sort it out. The writer may think the passage is mysterious, but the reader is simply at sea.

B. Too didactic - This is fiction. You’re supposed to entertain me, not teach me. Stop telling me what you think I need to know and give me some credit for being able to figure it out myself. Show me the people and the action, and otherwise be quiet! And don’t, above all, tell me what you are going to show me. Yes, people used to get away with this, but not these days.

C. Overloaded with information - You may have interesting characters and an intriguing plot, but you’ve bogged it down with so much description and so many details that I can’t find the good parts. Again, if it’s important, don’t tell me, show me!

A good lead has to make the reader ask questions (other that “What on earth is going on?”) and must let the reader get enough of a feel for the story that he or she will keep reading.

When would I give a 2? When the above things are going on, but there is at least a sense of what the story is about so that I feel I have a vague understanding of what to expect.

Tomorrow - when do I give a 3 or a 4?

And yet more great leads

I have a few more favorite leads I thought I’d post. Some of them are the kind that make you feel something terrible is coming, but others promise something different - fun, for instance. The trick is that whatever you promise in your lead (suspense, humour, romance, an engaging quest), you deliver in the rest of the book.

As you read each one, pretend you’ve never read the books and ask yourself what questions or expectations the various leads brings to your mind.

“At CBA Television News headquarters in New York, the initial report of a stricken Airbus A300, on fire and approaching Dallas-Fort Worth Airport, came only minutes before the network’s first feed of the National Evening News.” Arthur Hailey, The Evening News

“This is the story of an adventure that happened in Narnia and Calormen and the lands between, in the Golden Age when Peter was High King in Narnia and his brother and his two sisters were Kings and Queens under him. In those days, far south in Calormen on a little creek of the sea, there lived a poor fisherman called Arsheesh, and with him there lived a boy who called him Father.” C. S. Lewis, The Horse and His Boy

“Sunday morning Clarence Bunsen stepped into the shower and turned on the water–which was cold, but he’s Norwegian , he knows you have to take what you get–and stood until it got warm, and was reaching for the soap when he thought for sure he was having a heart attack.” Garrison Keillor, Leaving Home

“As I left the railway station at Worchester and set out on the three-mile walk to Ransom’s cottage, I reflected that no one on that platform could possibly guess the truth about the man I was going to visit.” C. S. Lewis, Voyage to Venus

“It was growing late and still there was no sign of Engaine.” Thomas B. Costain, The Black Rose

“‘Tom!’ No Answer. ‘Tom!’ No answer. ‘What’s wrong with that boy, I wonder? You TOM!’”Mark Twain, The Adventures of Tom Sawyer

“Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank and of having nothing to do: once or twice she had peeped into the book her sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversation in it, ‘and what is the use of a book,’ thought Alice, ‘without pictures or conversations?’” Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland

“Rob Nevin looked from his friend to the application form on the table between them and back to his friend again. ‘You’re kidding.’” Gordon Korman, No Coins Please

“A fire rages in Albion. A strange, hidden fire, dark-flamed, invisible to the eye. Seething and churning, it burns, gathering flames of darkness into its hot black heart. Unseen and unknown, it burns.” Stephen Lawhead, The Endless Knot

“The nice thing about pain is that it comes in all sorts of sizes - from the …Mini: ‘Excuse-me-you’re-stepping-on-my-bare-feet-with-your-baseball-cleats’ type of pain, to the Medium: ‘I-sure-wish-we-weren’t-going-through-this-red-light-with-that-semi-truck-coming-from-the-other-direction’ type of pain, to the Maxi-Econo-Sized: ‘What-does-this-bully-mean-when-he-says-he’s-going-to-give-me-some-free-dental-work?’ type of pain. Then of course, there’s the…Giant Industrial Strength version which I was about to experience…” Bill Myers, My Life as a Human Hockey Puck

“When my brother Tom began telling people in Adenville, Utah, that he had a great brain everybody laughed at him, including his own family. We all thought he was trying to play some kind of kid’s joke on us. But after he had used his great brain to swindle all the kids in town and make fools of most of the grownups nobody laughed at my brother any more.“ John D. Fitzgerald, The Great Brain at the Academy

More strong fiction leads that grabbed me

I am continuing to post leads that I consider very strong. Now, since we are all different, what grabs me may not grab you. But I will try to tell you why they grab me. And you might learn from that.

“A cold wind blew off Hanging Dog Mountain and I had no fire, nor dared I strike so much as a spark that might betray my hiding place. Somewhere near an enemy lurked, waiting.” Louis L’Amour, Jubal Sackett

The word “cold” implies trouble. I don’t like being cold. Something’s wrong. “Hanging Dog mountain.” Could you get more eerie than that? “I had no fire.” I see the image of someone with no fire in a campfire pit, huddled up and maybe shivering. “Nor dared I strike so much as a spark” - Ah, not any person. Someone who is thoughtful, who knows language, who has a poetic turn. And of course, the inevitable questions - why doesn’t the person dare? Why is the person here? What’s wrong? What’s going to happen? Will the person survive? Who else is there lurking in the cold, maybe watching? Ah, “an enemy lurking, waiting.” I can’t possible stop myself from reading on. I want to know who this person is and if he or she is able to survive.

“There were two men in one village, and they had the same name–each was called Claus; but one had four horses, and the other only a single horse.” Hans Christian Anderson, Little Claus and Big Claus

This is from a fairly tale, not a book, but the implied threat in those simple words “the other only a single horse” resonates with me and I want to know what happened, because of course, something did happen. And I want to know who these two men are, and what they do to one another.

“In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort.” J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit

There is no threat here, but what keeps me going is curiosity. What is a hobbit? What kind of comfort can you have in a hole in the ground? And the writing, with its vivid description of the “nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell” leads me to think there will be more of this sort of hole in the story, too. And more great writing. But most of all I want to know who this creature is that lives in a hole in the ground in comfort.
“I must make it clear from the start that ultimately I did have a choice: but that’s always easy to say in hindsight. Right? You hear about this sort of thing all the time: the ‘I don’t want to get involved” syndrome. To myself, I’d rationalized my behaviour over the years as ‘minding my own business,’ something I’d honed to a razor’s edge.”Rick Blechta, When Hell Freezes Over

I relate to this person who would rather not get involved. But it’s clear that there was a choice, and the person chose to get involved. What happened as a result? Who is this person who wanted to stay uninvolved and had honed “minding my own business…to a razor’s edge”? Will I like this person? Is this person like me?

A challenge for you.

1. Take 20 of your favorite books and read the first 2 or 3 lines and analyze them. What questions do they bring to your mind? What feelings do they bring up in you? Do they arouse your curiosity? Your sense of justice? Your interest in a character or a situation?

2. Write down what you can learn from them. Share some of the best here in the comments section.
3. Then go and read some of your own leads and see how they compare.

The lead (opening) for your novel (or story)

The lead has to be the single most difficult thing in a novel. You have to do something that will make people want to continue to read at the same time as you are introducing a 60, 90, or 125,000 word book. What to do?

You don’t want to go too far overboard with fireworks and explosions when the rest of the book is going to be sedate and comfy. You don’t get readers on your side by lying to them.

You also don’t want them to feel the rest of the book is anticlimactic.

And yet, you don’t want them to put the book down, so there has to be enough to grab them and some kind of promise of more good things to come.

You have about 30 seconds - maybe a minute if you’re lucky - to grab them. Not a lot of time.

What to do?

Well, I’m going to share with you a few of my favorite leads.

I’d love it if you’d share some of your favorites with me. These aren’t even full openings - they’re basically first-lines that grabbed me immediately (and made me buy or borrow the book).

“When at last they found her and took her out of the water, I knew I had to go down and look at her.” John. D. Macdonald, All These Condemned

I don’t know about you, but that made me want to keep reading. Who was she? Why was she in the water? And what was he going to see? (Nothing good, I’m sure.)

“As grey dawn crawled over the city, Dortmunder went home to find May still up, dressed in a baggy sweater and green plaid slacks.” Donald E. Westlake, Drowned Hopes

Why was Dortmunder out at night? Why was May still up when he came home? And what woman would be wearing a baggy sweater and green and plain slacks? The image of a grey dawn crawling over the city also piqued my interest. Gave it a somewhat “unsettled” feel. As though something was amiss.

“Just after midnight he stopped thinking.” Maj Sjowall & Per Wahloo, The Abominable Man

Okay, all kinds of questions. Who was he? How can you stop thinking? Did he die? Or was there something else? What’s going to happen to him? What happens to people who stop thinking?

“Later, I found out his name was John Daggett, but that’s not how he introduced himself the day he walked into my office.” Sue Grafton, “D” is for Deadbeat

Who is he and why didn’t he give his real name? Why did he come to see her? Why did lie to her? Does he lie to everyone, or just her?

“‘It all began,’ said Roderick Gaskell, a little more loudly than could have been considered necessary in the quiet room, ‘it all began with Grandfather’s will.’ He paused and eyed the man he was addressing doubtfully, as though wondering whether he had, in face, succeeded in obtaining any part of his attention.” Sara Woods, This Little Measure

Who is this man who speaks loudly in a quiet room? What began with a will? What did the will say that caused a problem? Was there money involved, or something else? What has happened? And who is this other man who can cause Roderick to feel uneasy without saying a word? And why is the other man not interested in Grandfather’s will?

“The story of the little man, sometimes a stockbroker, sometimes a tea merchant, but always something in the City, who walked out of his suburban house one sunny morning and vanished like a puff of grey smoke in a cloudless sky, can be recalled by nearly everyone who lived in Greater London in the first years of the century.” Margery Allingham, Flowers for the Judge

Who was he? What happened to him and to his family? Where did he go? Where did they look for him? Why wasn’t he found? Why did he disappear? Will someone else disappear? Will he return? Did he…? Oh dear. I think I need to go read this book again right now. So many questions in my mind.

Questions. Yes, that’s what a good lead does. It leaves the reader asking questions - questions you want answered, and so you have to continue reading…